Trumpsylvania

Biography of our ruler and staff

You have come hear to learn about Donald and his cabinet.

biography

Donald John Trump was born June 14, 1946, in New York, NY. The third generation in a family of businessmen, Donald has his father, Fred Trump, to thank for his deal making and entrepreneurial skills.

Fred Trump was forced to help support his family due to his father's death early on. As a result, Fred started his own business and recognized the money to be made in real estate. Donald inherited the skill of recognizing a good deal when he saw it, since Donald would assist his father in his business ventures when he was still young.

on his own

After completing his education at a military academy, Trump headed out to study finance at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School. With an innate eye for business, and the additional training he received in school and while working for his father, Trump knew what he wanted to do with his life, and whatever it was, he knew it would be big.

But big couldn't occur where he was raised -- in Queens -- so he packed up his belongings and moved to Manhattan on his own. His bank account and wallet were a far cry from the fortune he has today (he was practically broke), but that didn't stop him from becoming a member at an exclusive club in New York.

Trump used his negotiating skills and smarts to join the club, which was not open for "regular" folk -- on the condition that he kept his hands off the wives of other members (his womanizing skills must have been apparent early on). He didn't intend to play polo and sail in yachts as a member, rather he used his membership as a way to make contacts, and that he did.

Trump had transformed himself into one of the most powerful real-estate moguls of the '80s, with ownership of buildings such as Trump Tower on 5th Av., Trump Parc, the Plaza Hotel, and the New Jersey Generals. He also penetrated the casino business in Atlantic City and New Jersey, and transportation with the Trump Shuttle airline.

duck, donald, duck!

Even though he studied business, he often went against the basic principle behind economics: lower prices when there's competition. When Trump had competitors, not only did he not lower prices, but he also raised them. Despite his knack for making deals and recognizing a good investment when he saw one, Trump's billion-dollar empire crumbled in 1990, when he was forced into bankruptcy for over $2 billion bank loans that he couldn't pay.

Although he handed over most of his holdings to the creditor banks, he remarkably managed to bounce back by the end of the 1990s. He shared his story in the book, The Art of the Comeback, and has done more work in the publishing world as he has co-authored several books about none other than himself.

"The Donald," as he is nicknamed, has also ventured into television as the Executive Producer of Miss USA, and is presently the Producer of the Miss Universe pageant. He has also made countless cameo appearances as himself in shows such as Roseanne, Suddenly Susan, Spin City, The Nanny, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and The Job, as well as films like Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Celebrity and 54.

the trump troupe

Real estate, transportation, casinos, and entertainment weren't enough for "Trump Daddy": in 1999, he announced that he was considering running for President, as a Reform Party candidate in 2000. Incidentally, he revealed in The Art of the Comeback that he wouldn't have made a good President: he has trouble shaking others' hands as he is a germophobe, and worst of all, he is honest.

Honest or not, one thing's for sure: Trump is known as a womanizer, and his two failed marriages have been tabloid fodder for the past 2 decades. His marriage to Ivana Trump ended in 1990, but he has 4 children to show for it: 2 sons and daughter Ivanka, an up-and-coming model. Trump then wed Marla Maples in 1993. The couple had a daughter, Tiffany, and then divorced 6 years later.

He is always seen with different women in the tabloids, so it's hard to track his present romantic record.

Single or not, the father, mogul, and flamboyant figure has proved that whether you're on your way up or down, it pays to think big.

Thanks to the hit NBC reality series The Apprentice, in which 16 contestants vie for a position at one of Trump's corporations, The Donald can add another success to his Trump report card.

Matt Demartini was raised by wolves in the forests of Vermont. An explorer, exploring Vermonts only unmaped mountain, Okemo found our future vice-king eating a deer. He tried to capture Matt, but lost an arm in the fight. He managed to trick Matt into a cage by saying, "I won't capture you if you get into this cage and let me capture you." MAtt got into the cage. He was brought back to Trumpsylvania and raised by Donald Trump until he was 42. At that time, he ran away to become a PowerPoint film director. His most popular film, Gun Nut 2, won him several oscars and he is currently working on his next film "Vomit Attacks" in which people randomely start vomiting until they drown. The largest share-holder of Sam Weller's soul, Matt continues to fight the eco-terrorists that plague Trumpsylvania's many slaughterhouses.
Matt's life is so awesome that they made a movie about it. Its called "Matts awesomeness: How unawesome everyone else is in comparison. Yes sir E, MAtt is one super cool number 1 fun guy. MAtt also trademarked the nifty catphrase "howdoyoudonkers!"